I’m Different Now & I Don’t Mind.

You grow up. You hope to be the person that you are now. But along the way you pick up new ways and drop irrelevant ones. Looking back, this may bother you. Sometimes, I wonder what I would be like, had I done things differently. But you have to know, there is no constant to be found in being the same. Anything that is out there, existing as an entity, is subject to change and so are we. Then why do we seek only that which guarantees stability? Why look for a future, a friend or a hobby that will for the longest time give you a pillar to lean on. I think life has a lot to offer, if only you look for it. There is no reason we must hold onto a single thing and build our image around it. I have dabbled in five different fields and mastered maybe none. But that is fine, because during each of those phases, I was happy doing it to my best. And I don’t expect it to stay with me forever.

I hope, as  I leave my teens behind and grow “older”, I don’t remain this way. I  hope for a better change – one that takes me by surprise but fits undoubtedly like a snug pair of shorts. I have been submissive, strong, emotional, indifferent and tons of other binary pairs (precisely, each part of the pair) but I haven’t been only that way for long. Whether its a matter of growing up/changing/evolving into a more personalized sense of self – it is in my disposition to accept it all. I don’t fear the change, rather, I await it. I find it thrilling. Having moved from place to place all my life, the probability that a “new me” may surface is just as exhilarating as meeting new people or discovering new places. No, I don’t have multiple personality disorder. This is more of finding new character traits I never thought I’d have.

My inability to stick to one thing has irked not only others, but sometimes me too. However come to think of it, when our language is so vast, our options so abundant and our limits so mere, why must I stick to one thing? My drive to be content ought to be the only stable factor in life. I think different and perhaps behave that way too. A little out of the box, a little in the box. But I don’t have a problem with it. And I’m happy. So..

Happy 20th to me!

– Meera